britty books

This will be the last Bullying Prevention contribution book review for a little while as I’m moving back to my hometown of Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada.  I’m come to realize that it takes a trained eye to recognize the beauty of a desolate prairie landscape and my eye has been already trained.  In the meantime, please note other Bullying Prevention book reviews here on the site, or take some time to sign up for my good friend, J. Richard Knapp’s Bullying Prevention International Newsletter that comes delivered straight to your inbox at the top of each month.  We’ll see you soon in the Land of the Living Skies!

A Bully with a Background:  Gregory Maguire’s Take in
Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West

To the grim poor there need be no pour quoi tale about where evil arises; it just arises; it always is.  One never learns about how the witch became wicked, or whether that was the right choice for her – is it ever the right choice?  Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if si is he not a devil?  It is at the very least a question of definitions. ~page 298, Wicked

Some people may be familiar with this book because of the Tony award-winning musical, Wicked, featuring Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth.  The musical’s storyline follows the general premise of the book:  we, the reader, discover the background history of green-skinned Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West who lives in the land of Oz made famous by Frank L. Baum.

Elphie, as her friends know her, is born to a minister and his promiscuous wife.  It is implied that neither she nor her sister, NessaRose the eventual eastern menace, are blood children of their father.  Elphie doesn’t speak she is nearly five, whereupon her first word is ‘horrors.’  She is shunned from her mother, who can’t get past her odd manner and her green skin.  Her father is primarily absent.  Some respite comes when Nanny takes it upon herself to social Elphie with the other children, who promptly take to throwing rocks at her.

Skip to twelve years later and Elphie meets her roommate, Galinda, at boarding school.  You may have guessed already, but this Galinda eventually drops the ‘a’ and becomes Glinda, the person we know as the Good Witch of the North.  Of course, things get off to a rocky start as Galinda cares more about the social set than her moody, scholarly roomie, but as time goes by the two become good, if not great, friends.  Elphaba encourages Galinda to use her brain more instead of acting stupid to impress people.  Galinda drops the ‘a’ when she joins Elphie’s cause to discover why the talking Animals are disappearing from Oz (non-speaking animals are not represented with the formal ‘Animal’ term).  Political pressure reigns down from the top dog in the land, the Wizard of Oz.

Another five years pass and a chum from the boys’ school, Fiyero, finds Elphaba in hiding as she is a member of an underground movement to save the Animals.  Fiyero and Elphie start an affair, which leaves Elphie pregnant with a son, Liir.  More is written about him in Macguire’s sequel, Son of a Witch. After a botched attempt by the authorities trying to capture Elphaba, it is believed Fiyero is dead.  Elphaba travels to his homeland to make penance with his wife and discovers Chistery, who later becomes the leader of her flying monkey squadron.  Life continues to go downhill for Elphie from here…and Dorothy hasn’t even appeared yet!

Maguire’s view is both dark and unique as a peek behind the curtain at the person before she became the Witch.  He poses a good question:  are bad people born or made?  Are bullies only a result of their environment?  Is it the responsibility of everyone to maintain a social normal, or do we encourage out-of-the-box ideas and seek to understand them?

The Wicked Witch certainly is a sympathetic character in Macguire’s point of view.  Socially awkward, she only tries to improve the destiny of those she sees as oppressed by the system using radical measures.  In return, the system makes her an outcast.  Glinda, on the other hand, falls into conformity, married well and is sainted.

If being bullied, it is difficult to want to stop and examine why the bully is acting the way they do but it may be worth it.  A bully’s background may provide a key to why they act the way they do and, given this key, you may discover a way to reverse or correct their past.  Asking questions of a bully in calmer moments may lead to common understanding and deeper insight.  Maybe your bully only wants a sympathetic ear or someone to pay attention to them.  Maybe they want someone to take seriously what they have to say.  Given the circumstances, it is most likely your bully doesn’t have the tools to communicate properly and is given to bullying as a method of being.  Pick your moment and try being a try friendship as a viable option.  Your may be pleasantly surprised!

One last note on Wicked, the book: as opposed to the musical, this is a book intended for an adult audience and includes dark and sexual themes.  It is not recommended reading for children or teens.

Don't let the fact that this is an Oprah BookClub selection deter you from reading it .

I want to get quickly to the Gist of the Story because this summary will be long (I shall try and be briefer, though, than Franzen).  Please stay tuned for my reader’s notes near the end of the article on “What Oprah Viewers Should Have Asked Jonathan Franzen…and Didn’t.”  Quickly now,

Gist of the Story (Spoilers Ahead)

This story is told from different viewpoints: the wife Patty Berglund, the husband Walter Berglund, the son Joey Berglund and the former roommate/rocker/family friend Richard Katz.  While the story is told in third person point of view, there are chapters where Patty writes an autobiography and writes of herself in the third person.  Sounds complicated?  Hey, we’ve only just opened the nearly 600 page book.

The story spans nearly thirty years and is generally chronological.  Patty, a competitive basketball star, has many shortcomings in large ways.  She doesn’t seem to be able to make friends, although she is very friendly.  She is raped while in high school and the incident is all but cleared away by her mother with political and social aspirations.  She has other dysfunctional relationships, including a horrible one with her roommate named Eliza, who seems to idolize Patty.  She then meets Walter, her future husband, and falls for his slutty roommate, Richard Katz.  Love triangle?  Yes, big basis for the next twenty years being set-up right before your eyes.

After trying to run away with Richard, Patty realizes that Walter will give her the love and idolizing she desires, much like, but not as creepy as, Eliza.  They marry and are “nice” to one another for many years.  Things start to fall apart when the object of her lavish affection, her son Joey, decides to move in with his girlfriend and her family next door.

Patty ends up sleeping with Richard and then never seeing him again (not of her choosing).  Richard goes on to record a popular album called Nameless Lake named for the lake where they did the deed.  He masks this by claiming his love for his former lead singer who offed herself with sleeping pills and even Patty buys it.  Mostly.

The betrayal doesn’t come out into the open for awhile and in that while something is going rotten in Patty and Walter’s relationship.  A festering perhaps.  They move from Minnesota to Washington, D.C. and Walter gets involved with a foundation to create environmental spaces for the bird pictured on the cover: the Cerulean Blue Warbler.  Somehow his modelesque assistant has taken up residence in his home upstairs and Patty is not liking it one bit.  Of course, his assistant is young and only has eyes for Walter.

Walter tries to be a good husband, but when Richard passes along the autobiography Patty has written including their brief affair and her longer torch she’s carried for Richard, Walter goes berserk, throws Patty out and immediately sleeps with his assistant, Lalitha.

Things go bad for Walter, he loses his job, Lalitha accidentally drives off a cliff, Walter becomes a hermit at Nameless Lake and starts taking his vengeance on cats.

Patty comes by and refuses to leave until Walter speaks with her, nearly freezes to death and is revived by Walter.  They get back together.  Happily ever after?

The Questions Oprah Didn’t Ask

What are the questions you wanted to ask the author?

So, the interview with Franzen was today, Monday, December 6th, 2010.  Oprah did nothing on her show with Franzen but berate him for talking smack about being chosen for her book club for his other novel The Corrections nearly nine years ago (read this, too!).  Tune in after the show online to see the viewers ask more questions.  Here’s that interview, about 31 minutes long and very good.

While there were some great questions asked – and some not answered – I would like to ask these questions:

1. Why did the mistress get the last word in the book with the dedication of Nameless Lake property to her memory?
2. Why was the Joey character important to much more of anything after the first chapter?
3. Were all the women symbolic of birds?
4. Why do Joey and Walter make obscene amounts of money?  Were they ultimately selling themselves out?
5. What is the deal with religion or lack thereof?

I felt like I had a lot more questions, but the interview was good in sorting out which ones are important to ask.  Franzen, at one point, asked the audience if they would like him to tell them authoritatively on why one part of the story happened as it did or would they like to interpret it their own way.  Good stuff, Franzen.  My opinion is, once the book is published, the writer becomes only another reader (but perhaps one more intimate with the story).

First Lines, Last Words

The news about Walter Berglund wasn’t picked up locally – he and Patty had moved away to Washington two years earlier and meant nothing to St. Paul now – but the urban gentry of Ramsey Hill were not so loyal to their city as not to read the New York Times.

To this day, free access to the preserve is granted only to birds and to residents of Canterbridge Estates, through a gate whose lock combination is known to them, beneath a small ceramic sign with a picture of the pretty young dark-skinned girl after whom the preserve is named.

Quotable

I hate sunshine!

Book Rating

Cerulean Blue Warbler: the little bird that causes all the big trouble. Overall Book Rating 5/5

Beside the Bed, Sleepless for the Story, Regifting this Read all 5.0!  I don’t think there is a better book you could find this year.  Go get one today.

You may be a bully simply be being silent. Really.

This month’s book  for the Bullying Prevention Newsletter is something more for the youngsters…not that I didn’t get a whole lot out of it.  I did!  Sadly, as a victim survivor of childhood bullying, I recognize places where I might have changed the outcome in certain situations.  I told my own mother about the lessons I learned from reading this book and she congratulated me on my efforts.  She related a part of a story about my being bullied that I had never heard before.  Having arrived home from school with spit all over of the back of my coat from having bullies pick on me, she phoned the principal and threatened to have me removed and then go to the media about it.  I told my mother I didn’t remember the spitting incident at all (or barely.  I’m blessed with a short memory).  We ended up having a really good discussion about growing up in the neighbourhood in which we lived.  This book was a great segue to having this conversation!

If you need some resources or doorways to start a conversation about bullying with your children, sign up for J. Richard Knapp’s International Bullying Prevention Newsletter. It comes once a month to your inbox and is a great reminder to keep the lines of communication open – as well as getting these awesome book reviews!  On to the review:

Strategies for Thwarting, Coping
and Changing Behaviors for the Better
in Confessions of a Former Bully

Confession of a Former Bully may not exactly line up with the teen to adult fiction reviewed for the International Bullying Prevention letter to date.  This book, written by Trudy Ludwig and illustrated by Beth Adams, was published in 2010 for the benefit of children grades three to six.  I, however, learned lots of new things and really enjoyed the statistics and hand-drawn illustrations.

Ludwig confesses she was a former bully and writes this book from her own perspective at the time the bullying occurred.  She admits that she didn’t realize that simply saying mean things or even ignoring people could be bullying – she thought that bullying meant physically fighting.

There is a lot of self-realization as the fictionalized young Ludwig comes to terms with how she acted and what measures can be done to correct her wrongs.  What I found most fascinating was her list of tools when reacting to a bully.  Here they are:

1.    Say, “Stop!” Remember to look the bully in the eye and act confident.
2.    Ask, “Why?” after every sentence the bully throws at you.
3. Walk Away.
4.    Say, “So?,” “Whatever,” and “Who cares?” in a neutral voice.
5. Change the subject.
6.    Act silly or goofy.
7. Turn an insult into a compliment.
8.    Agree…but only if you’re comfortable with doing so.  Don’t use this tactic more than once.

Of course, if you are being physically bullied seek help. If you are a victim of cyber-bullying, do not respond. Instead, print or copy the offensive material and seek out someone who can help protect you, like a parent or teacher.

Some startling statistics Ludwig refers to:

• 80% of elementary school bullying on the playground is witnessed by an audience.
• When a by-stander intervenes in a bullying episode they are successful in ending it half of the time.
• Every day 160,000 kids miss school because of bullying.
• Most cyber-bullying occurs between 8 and 14 years of age.
• Kids find emotional bullying more harmful than physical bullying.

Are you as shocked as I am by this?  Being a victim of not one, but two, broken noses at the hands of bullies, I would have to agree that the emotional side of bullying is far more impactful.

I recommend this book as a wonderful addition to any elementary school library or as a discussion starter between parents and their kids.  Beyond coping for current victims of bullying, this book will help you be proactive in not becoming a bully or a by-stander.  Included are many website resources in the appendix.  In a sidebar, Ludwig mentions a quote from Dr. Seuss:

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.”

Empower yourself and your children to stop the bully machine today!

Featured in the movie Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, Part I

I’ve never been ashamed to admit that I adore these so-called children’s books.  Obviously, I’m a pretty avid reader and you won’t find as good of writing in the majority of adult fiction of there, never mind kid’s books.  If you are like many people I know and enjoy seeing the movies but have never read the books, try it.  You’ll find much more meaning in the movies and may even discover a love of print.  And if that doesn’t convince you that reading is cool, let me tell you that Harry Potter are the most popular books requested by inmates.  Escapism at its finest.

The Gist of the Story

Rowling wrote this book as a companion to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with its final fairytale “The Tale of the Three Brothers” as narrated by Hermione in the movie.  Like her other two short appendices books Fanatastic Beasts and Where to find Them and Quidditch Through the Ages, this book was written expressly for the purpose of raising money for The Children’s High Level Group (CHLG) which protect and promote children’s rights and make life better for young people (according to the back of my book).

The short tales inside are as follows:

1. The Wizard and the Hopping Pot – a young wizard inherits a magical pot from his wizard father, a charitable man to Muggles.  The young wizard is selfish and is tormented by the pot who won’t leave him alone until he helps out the villagers.  Overtones of the children’s story Strega Nona here.
2. The Fountain of Fair Fortune – three witches go on a quest to change their fortune at a magical fountain.  Along the way they meet a knight who helps them achieve their quest.  In turn, they invite him to use the fountain, whereupon all their charity to one another is rewarded.  This was my favourite tale in the book which I found akin to the original Grimm’s Cinderella (not the Disney version!).
3. The Warlock’s Hairy Heart – A warlock decides not to fall prey to love so casts his heart out of his chest.  He decides to get married for show anyway.  He charms the beauty of the village away and is so tempted by her virtuous heart, he takes it out of her chest and tries to insert it in his own.  They both die.  Obvious throwback to E.A. Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart in this short ditty.
4. Babbitty Rabbitty and Her Cackling Stump – a charlatan comes to town and teach the king how to perform magic.  The charlatan discovers a washerwoman, Babbitty Rabbitty, is actually a witch, whereupon he employs her to help the king in secret.  The king performs magic for the royal court unaware than Babbitty was really the magician.  Someone asks the king to bring back a hunting dog from the dead which is impossible, even with magic, to do.  The charlatan calls Babbitty out to have her punished.  She runs away and turns herself into a rabbit.  She instructs the king to be kind to all wizards and witches from now on, which he does.  The Emperor’s New Clothes is the fable that most represents this work.




5. The Tale of the Three Brothers - if you have seen the movie, feel free to skip this explanation.  Three brothers are traveling and come to a river.  Being wizards, they fashion a bridge to cross over the river.  Death appears and is angry because regular people usually drown in the crossing.  He feels cheated of their deaths so instead offers them gifts, knowing that a gift from death is never a good thing.  The first brother asks for an invincible wand, the second brother for a stone that will raise the dead and the third asks for a cloak of invisibility.  The first defeats an opponent with his new wand and brags.  He is killed in his sleep and the wand stolen.  The second raises his love from the dead.  She is not meant to be in the living world and soon disintegrates.  The second brother is so distraught he hangs himself.  The third brother avoids death by remaining invisible to him.  Once he reaches a good age, he gives his cloak to his son and joins death, each at last.

The Tale of the Three Brothers is not difficult to pinpoint the origins, for in The Seven Chinese Brothers you’ll find overtones of greed and selfishness and wit.  What is most interesting is how it applies to Harry Potter’s dilemma, for the three gifts from death were also referred to as the deathly hallows.  For any Harry Potter fan, they will instantly recognize the last hallow, the invisibility cloak, which Dumbledore gives to Harry via Harry’s father.  The second hallow, the stone that could raise the dead, is thought to be the philosopher’s stone which was featured in the very first book and movie.  The first hallow, and the cause of our distress in this movie, is the elder wand.  Not quite like Tolkien’s ‘ring to rule them all’ but close enough, the wand grants the owner to be the champion of any wand duel.  Now think about the items had in his possession at the beginning of the very first book.  Very nice twist, Rowling!

There is also interesting commentary on this story by both Dumbledore and Rowling, with Rowling one-upping Dumbledore in the end.  Well worth reading, especially if you’d like to know more about the hallows and the legends behind them.

The tales are interesting in themselves, but I found the notes by Albus Dumbledore at the end of each story even more intriguing.  Of course, Rowling inserts her own take on what Dumbledore really means from time to time.  They have a similar writing style, I must admit! <tongue in cheek>

First Lines, Last Words

There once was a kindly old wizard who used his magic generously and wisely for the benefit of his neighbours.

Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as everyone else.

Quotable

No witch has ever claimed to own the Elder Wand.

Book Rating

Symbol used to depict the three deathly hallows. Overall book rating 4.7/5

Beside the Bed 4.7 If you’re not one to own a lot of books, borrow this one from the library.  It took under an hour for me to read the entire thing, start to finish.  I’m just guessing at the Beside the Bed rating here.  It never was.

Sleepless for the Story 4.8 This book is so short and sweet, you’ll want to gobble it up in one sitting.

Regifting this Read 4.6 The book is so short you may not want to purchase it.  Remember, though, a large part of the proceeds goes to help children.

Need to more about these terms?  See my Book Ratings Chart for a full explanation.

If the artist is meant to be a truth-teller, why does society impose any rule upon them?

My Name is Asher Lev is a novel my oldest daughter is currently studying at her Theatre Arts School in Rosebud.  While this book is about an artist that deals in paintings, my daughter is one who deals in music and drama.  Although one of her classes require a year-long art project that she will be showing for an entire week, shortly.  Also, the first day of classes required her to have drawn a self-portrait.  My daughter hasn’t attempted to draw for years – here’s why:

During a watercolour class she had in grade four, the school had a special art teacher come in.  I use teacher in a very loose sense of the word.  I’m assuming this person was an artist but certainly not a teacher.  She took my daughter’s painting up to the front of the class and told the students that it was an example of how NOT to paint.  My daughter, of course, was mortified and while she has a natural talent in art, she never took an art class again.  Until now.

This book is a part of another class, I think, and the teacher is only allowing the students to read one chapter at a time.  Let me tell you the gist of the book and see if you agree with me – she should read it all at once.

The Gist of the Story

This novel is narrated by Asher Lev, a very young Hasidic Jew living in Brooklyn with his parents.  Asher loves to draw everything he sees, especially his mother.  He draws her as she is normally, though his mother asks him to draw more pretty things, birds, flowers and the sort.  His mother’s brother then dies and his mother goes in a horrible depression that seems to last two years.  Asher gives up drawing around this period of time and concentrates on his mother, her emotions, her reactions to everyday events.  A housekeeper comes to cook and clean for Asher and his father, as his mother is quite incapacitated.  His father works for the Rebbe (which I assume means the Rabbi) and answers phone calls from around the world about oppressed Jews and getting them help.

One of the Jews Asher’s father manages to help escape Russia during Stalin’s reign Asher meets one day.  Asher begins drawing again because of the new friendship he takes up with the Russian Jew.  Asher draws constantly now as his mother recovers.  He begins to neglect his studies and gets into trouble constantly with his teachers.  He draws even when he is not conscience of it.  He dreams great dreams of mythic ancestors.  He sketches Stalin in his coffin.

Asher refuses to travel with his parents to live in Vienna because it would take him away from his street.  His parents make plans to take him anyway.   Asher begins to have black-outs, so his father ends up going alone.  Asher decides to stop drawing again but can’t seem to stop this time.

He is sent to see the Rebbe who sets him up with lessons from a great Jewish artist.  In exchange, his mother goes to live in Vienna, Asher lives with his uncle.  Asher’s talent grows and grows and soon he holds his first art show.  As he prepares for a second art show, he travels to Rome to study the sculptures.  He gains inspiration from the Pieta by Micheangelo and ends up creating two crucifixion paintings for his new show.  Of course, being Jewish, his father and mother are seriously offended at his work, even more so because they are the subjects.   Still, Asher Lev is celebrated in the art world.  He has realized he has caused great pain to the people he most loves but he cannot stop himself from telling the truth through his art.  At the end of the book, he returns to Europe.

First Lines, Last Words

My name is Asher Lev, the Asher Lev, about whom you have read in newspapers and magazines, about whom you talk so much at your dinner affairs and cocktail parties, the notorious and legendary Asher Lev of the Brooklyn Crucifixion.

My parents were still watching me through our living room window.

Quotable

I would not be the whore to my own existence.

Book Rating

The pieta by Micheangelo that Asher Lev takes his inspiration from. Overall book rating: 4.5/5

Beside the Bed 4.5 A worthy book to have kicked off in the middle of reading.  Only Stalin would be upset you were reading it.

Sleepless for the Story 4.7 I, different from my daughter, do not listen to teachers that believe in only reading a chapter per week and read the whole thing within four days.  (I’m not quite sure where she picked up the habit of listening to her elders, especially when it comes to reading good books).

Regifting this Read 4.4 The story was written in 1972 but is truly timeless.  I learned quite a bit about the Hasidic Jewish culture in during this time period in Brooklyn.  I can’t think of anyone, especially any artist, who wouldn’t like this book.

Curious about how book ratings work?  See my book ratings chart for more info.  Shalom!

Scheming swingers satisfied? Photo: Rick A./Wiki

It is safe to say that one can  classify Roald Dahl stories into three categories: the obscure, the macabre and the lecherous.  I suppose some people may want to say he also writes for children as well…but I still think you are able to apply these categories.  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – obscure and sometimes macabre.  I wouldn’t necessarily qualify any of his kid’s tales as lecherous but there are undercurrents of serious unrest.  In this story, written for the grown-ups, Dahl applies his lechery.

Given that the original publish date was 1974 and written in late 1973, the era of free-love of the 1960′s was just coming to a close and the notion of ‘swinging’ was the proposed solution.  Dahl, a thinking man, proposes another fix in this story.  Read ahead to discover what…spoiler warning.

Gist of the Story

Vic and his neighbour, Jerry, are talking at the end of a very loud cocktail party.  Vic interests Jerry in this story about ‘a friend of his’ that had an arrangement with another male friend of his.  These friends, Vic explains, fancy each other’s wives.  So, they plot together to exchange places with one another in the middle of the night and trick the wives into thinking that it is actually there own husband putting the moves on them.  Vic says these friends do the exchange once every three weeks.

Of course, it seems to the reader that this story is all a fabrication for Vic actually wanting to exchange places with his friend, Jerry.  Jerry seems to be interested as well and asks more of Vic how this could possibly happen.  Lots and lots of explanation occurs: the two men have to be similar in build, similar in smell (Vic takes up pipe smoking to match Jerry) and similar in technique.  This way neither wife will be suspicious.  Vic and Jerry, while uncomfortable discussing their personal techniques (Vic tends to be a steam engine and Jerry more of a slow-hand), have a disagreement over each other’s style but settle on giving it the old college try for the sake of the experiment.

There is a page or so of each man going through elaborate training on the layout of one another’s homes.  Blindfolding each other, they practice getting to the other’s bed in the dark.

Once fully informed, they make a plan to take the ladies out for dinner and then do the great switcheroo  at one a.m.  It seems to be successful, at least from Vic’s perspective, and he goes home quite happy at 2 a.m.

The next morning, Vic’s wife, Mary, seems to be in a dangerous mood and shoos the kids out of the room in order to talk with Vic privately.  Vic, scared the plan has been foiled, dreads hearing what she has to say.  Turns out, she really enjoyed the previous night with him (but it was really Jerry) and wants to continue with the same technique from now on.

Um, whoops.  Backfire.

First Lines, Last Words

There were about forty people at Jerry and Samantha’s cocktail-party that evening.

There was a lilt in his walk, a little prance of triumph in each pace he took, and when he reached the steps of his front porch, he ran up them two at a time.

Quotable

I pointed out to them an enormous turd lying in the snow outside the garage.

Book Rating

Will be done upon completion of the entire book.  See the book ratings chart for more details.

Be careful messing about with the topiaries. Photo: Kadisse/Wiki

In traditional Dahl style, there are not one, but two, Williams in this story.  I suppose in England, where Dahl is from and most of his stories are set, William is a very popular name.  Having read 4 random stories from this book, though, and having 4 Williams appear seems to me to be a little beyond coincidence, though, don’t you think?  Perhaps Dahl, having only girls, thought William would have been a smash-up name for son.  One can only suppose.

Beyond that, there are great English gardens in this story.  My neighbour is English and she has wonderful gardens.  No topiaries, though.  Having a bad first experience with imagined topiaries in Stephen King’s The Shining, I am quite glad she doesn’t (more scariness from The Shining here.  Glad I didn’t have twins either.).  Since then I’ve had only pleasant experience with shrubbery that is meant to look alive at Disneyworld. Nothing but happiness there.

Why mention Stephen King?  Well, I imagine that Roald Dahl could give him a run for his money were he still alive today.  This story proves the point.

Gist of the Story

Sir William (yes William) Tutton kicks off and leaves his publishing empire to his son Basil (which I enjoy saying English-style: BAH-zil, not BAY-zil.  I pretend I am a character in Fawlty Towers when I say it this way.)  Sir Basil gets swept to the altar by an unknown woman who promptly takes over the publishing business while Basil can maintain his quiet life of art collection and reading at his Tudor estate.  Turns out Lady Tutton is also a socialite.

Our narrator is a social columnist and meets Lady Tutton at a party where he invites himself over to the Tutton estate to view the art.  I guess in England you stay the whole weekend?  Anyway, he arrives on Saturday afternoon and makes himself at home, having a bath, talking with the odd, gnomish butler.  He comes down for dinner whereupon Lady Tutton asks him his name.  He never does reveal it.  My guess is that is was William.

Anyway.

The narrator strikes up an easy conversation with Sir Basil and the both of them observe Lady Tutton being a little too familiar with the other two guests: Major Haddock and Carmen La Rosa.  Sir Basil seems a little put off by this but he is a mild mannered man and says nothing overtly.  They play cards and the narrator goes to bed.

The next morning Sir Basil and the narrator walk through the gardens and observe Lady Tutton and Major Haddock down the hill.  The Major is taking amusing photos of Lady Tutton.  They are unable to see our narrator.  Next, Lady Tutton sticks her head through a topiary and poses for more funny pictures.  Major Haddock gives her a few kisses, we think.  Then Major Haddock starts jerking her head about.  It seems Lady Tutton is stuck.

Our narrator and Sir Basil make their way slowly over to the scene to be of assistance.  Lady Tutton starts verbally abusing her husband.  The butler, Jelks, appears and asks if he can be of any assistance.  Sir Basil asks him to fetch a saw.  Jelks asks if he also wants William, the hired hand (the plot thickens).  Sir Basil says no, he’ll do it himself.

Jelks returns with both a saw and an axe.  It seems, according to the narrator, that Jelks, who hates Lady Tutton, would prefer Sir Basil take the axe.  So, he does.

And there is a bit more story after this…although I don’t wish to leave you hanging, I don’t wish to spoil the ending in entirety.  If you overcome with curiosity feel free to drop me a line and I may enlighten you.

First Lines, Last Words

When, about eight years ago, old Sir William Tutton died and his son Basil inherited The Tutton Press (as well as the title), I can remember how they started laying bets around Fleet Street as to how long it would be before some nice young woman managed to persuade the little fellow that she must look after him.

As he exchanged implements I noticed for the first time two little warm roses of colour appearing on his cheeks, and above them, all around the corners of his eyes, the twinkling tiny wrinkles of a smile.

Quotable

Every time he did something for her he made a little sneer with his nose and drew his lips together so they puckered like a turkey’s bottom.

Book Rating

The book rating will be done at the book’s completion.  Here’s a short narrative on how book ratings work, if you like a small story.

Test the waters on this short and sweet Dahl tale. Photo: Remih/Wiki

“Dip in the Pool” is a very short tale by Dahl that proves his formulaic story telling works even when 10 pages long.  His formula?  A main character named William, in this case William Botibol, in “The Bookseller” William Buggage.  Take the main character and make him slightly soiled – an ugly, but not grotesque, appearance paired with a failing of morals in some sense.  In this case, Botibol likes to gamble.  Then keep the reader suspended to exactly what the conflict is until midway through the story.  Throw in a twist ending and it is a classic Dahl tale.

You’d think they’d be boring after a while.  But no.  Read on for a summary..spoilers ahead.

Gist of the Story

As mentioned, William Botibol is on a cruise ship not bound for anywhere in particular.  We’re not sure why Botibol is on this ship going nowhere and we are also left in the dark as to why William is aboard and his wife is at home, writing cheques for numerous expenditures like the television set and the Encyclopedia Brittanica. Somehow, though, it makes perfect sense.

There is some mystery as to what the large pool of money applies and how it will be won.  Horse racing seems far-fetched on this boat.  With all the mentions of the rollicking seas and the onslaught of bad weather, I was hoping perhaps it was betting on the next person to upchuck.  Next person to fall down?  How about the next person to fall overboard?  I would say this might be too morbid…but I’ve read Dahl’s “Pig” already.

Turns out the pool is much more serene.  Simply put, there is a betting pool that determines the amount of miles achieved by the ship each day.  Because of all the bad weather, Botibol bets on the lower end of the mileage and spends his life savings to do it.  He goes to bed confident that he’ll be walking off the ship the next day with $7,000 in his pocket.  Ah, but when he awakes, the water is glass and the boat is speeding ahead to make up lost time.  Botibol sees no hope in winning now.

He considers bribing the captain to slow down but instead devises a plan to win the bet anyway.  He decides to throw himself overboard so that the ship will have to come back around and pick him up.  Mileage lessened, voila, Botibol wins.

He quickly makes his way up to the deck wearing his tennis whites.  He scouts out one elderly passenger and speaks to her for a moment to make sure she isn’t deaf or blind.  Then he makes his way farther down the ship, hops up on the rail, yells ‘help’ and jumps, still yelling ‘help, help’ on the way down.  The elderly lady jumps, looks around and is confused about what to do next.  Enter in the elderly lady’s guardian who admonishes her for coming up to the deck alone.  The elderly lady tries telling her guardian of the man that fell overboard but she is promptly dismissed and guided back to the lower decks.  Whether the elderly lady is just elderly, simple or slightly fanciful, we never know.

As for poor William Botibol, his ship has sailed.

First Lines, Last Words

On the morning of the third day, the sea calmed.

‘He waved to me.’

Quotable

The thought of leaping off a ship into the ocean a thousand miles from the nearest land made Mr. Botibol – a cautious man at the best of times – unusually advertent.

Book Rating

Will be done once the entire book is concluded.  How do book ratings work?  See the Book Ratings Chart for more details.

Pray you don't run into Mr.Buggage's booklist when you die. Photo: Warburg/Wiki

If you’re visiting today, you are most likely in favour of the secondhand bookstore.  I know I am!  My personal library consists of tattered and torn well-used books collected from the secondhand shops around my neighbourhood, from seasonal book sales for charity and purchased for a whopping 50 cents from the public library discards bin.  In fact, this book is the latter.

There is something about the smell of an old books bookstore that is dusty, familiar and somewhat shushing, as in being shushed at your old Aunt Edna’s house.  Dahl feels that you would “be assailed by that subtle odour of old cardboard and tea leaves that pervades the interiors of every second-hand bookshop in London.” (page 803).  I almost feel like I am pawing through someone else’s library, someone recently dead and perhaps having their wake conducted in the next room.   I read far too much horror, though, and this story contains some elements of the genre.  Read on, shall we?

Gist of the Story (Spoilers Ahead)

I’m afraid with most of the Dahl stories in his book, there will be spoiler warnings.  He seems to love a tale that has an element of surprise that frankly ruins it for a second reading (until the reader forgets).  I like his style!

This story begins at that secondhand bookshop in London that Dahl describes.  Customers are looking for non-existent copies of first galleys by Jane Austen.  In the back room, Miss Tottle and Mr. Buggage tally and invoice.  What?  We don’t know.  All we are told is that this is where the real money is made.  Should a customer decide to steal a used book, it would have no significance anyway.

Cut to the next scene where Mr. Buggage and Miss Tottle are lounging about at a fancy resort in Morocco.  They are surrounded by the upper-class of England on vacation.  Old money.  And as Mr. Buggage notes, ”I’m talking about in’erited titles…[a]nyone gets born with a title, it’s odd-on ‘ee’s a twit.’” (page 806).  Mr. Buggage speaks a pretty thick Cockney, methinks.

So, Mr. Buggage talks Miss Tottle into getting to work, even though they are officially on holiday, and after some friskiness, they do.  (Miss Tottle has a very large bosom described as “a single long tightly bound bulge from one side of the chest to the other, and at first glance one got the impression that there were not two individual breasts growing out of her body but simply one big long loaf of bread.” (page 806).  I think this is Mr. Buggage’s downfall.).

The letters are composed after deciding on the best ‘victim’ from the Who’s Who directory (or ‘oo’s oo, as Mr. Buggage says.).  Upon finding the wealthy and recently deceased man and discovering his main hobby, Miss Tottle invents an invoice to be sent to the dear widow.  The invoice contains the title of a book related to the deceased’s interests…but then a long list of overtly pornagraphic titles as well.  The scam works as such: the widow, not wanting any public shaming of her recent husband’s name, pays the invoice quickly and without complaint.  Mr. Buggage reasons that the widow is completely embarrassed but even more so, can imagine her husband having bought such titles.

After all, Mr. Buggage and Miss Tottle have already made a tidy sum.

But, as all good readers know, the bad must be punished for devising such amusing ruses and come to justice.  I’ll leave their undoing to your imagination…or read the story.  Or guess the ending in the comments section below.

First Lines, Last Words

If, in those days, you walked up from Trafalgar Square into Charing Cross Road, you would come in a few minutes to a shop on the right-hand side that had above the window the words WILLIAM BUGGAGE – RARE BOOKS.

The son took his mother gently by the arm and led her out of the office, through the shop and on to the street.

Quotable

‘If every Tom, Dick and ‘Arry could afford to buy ‘em [lobsters], the ‘ole world world would be full of sex maniacs.‘

Book Rating

Yup, not rating here, folks.  Move along, move along.  Should you wish to find out more about rating the book in it’s entirety, see the Book Ratings Chart.

The short, vegetarian life of Lexington, a Bronx boy. Photo: GChriss/Wiki

“Pig” was the second story I read in Roald Dahl’s Collected Stories.  Most readers know Dahl for his children’s books such as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Matilda, and The BFG. Personally my favourite was The Twits. His sense of the obscure is funny and slightly macabre.  So, if you like his odd style of humour, then you will certainly love this collections of short stories for adults.  Definitely for adults.

Let’s get to the meat of this vegetarian tale and I’ll explain what I mean by ‘adult.’

Gist of the Story (Spoiler Warning)

“Pig” is the cradle to grave story of Lexington, a Bronx boy, told in 8 parts.  As I mentioned, all Dahl’s works in this book are short stories, so don’t let the eight parts scare you away.  Each portion is only about a page.  Lexington is orphaned at 11 days old when his parents try to sneak back into the apartment after being locked out and are shot by three Irish policemen.  The Scottish babysitter didn’t hear them knocking.

So, the Virginia aunt comes and whisks baby Lexington away to life in the high hills and the blue mountains.  She has an acreage and is self-sufficient enough so that Lexington never has to leave the farm.  They raise cows, chickens and crops.  They eat eggs, but are strictly vegetarians otherwise.  Lexington thinks that his aunt knows best and doesn’t question her otherwise.  As she home-schools him, he never has any other opinions.

Lexington becomes a master vegetarian chef and his aunt encourages him to record all of his recipes for a book, which he does.  He collects nine thousand recipes.  But, in his teen years, aunty dies.

Thankfully, aunty left instructions for Lexington on contacting the coroner and then traveling to New York to collect her inheritance.  There is some hilarity as naive Lexington takes away 15,000 dollars of the half million that aunty left in trust of her lawyer.  Lexington is pretty happy with that anyway and is planning on getting his cookbook published with the money.  He decides to eat a meal at a restaurant and the only thing available is pork and cabbage.  Since he doesn’t know that pork is actually pig, he orders some.  He is amazed at the taste and begs the cook to tell him how to prepare it.  More money goes flying about.  The cook tells him he needs to go to the butcher factory is he wants to know how to prepare the dead meat for cooking.

So, he does.

Lexington watches in amazement as the pigs are hauled up on a chain to the roof by one leg, squealing all the while.  There is a morbid fascination for the reader as Lexington asks “‘But what what that funny cracking noise it made as it went up?’ ‘Probably the leg,’ the guide answered. ‘Either that or the pelvis.’  (Although I haven’t read Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle, I imagine there is some residue here.)

Lexington doesn’t seem to be too phased by this.  That is until…

…until the workers slip a chain around his leg and haul him up to the ceiling.  Poor Lexington, snidely referred to as “our hero” by the narrator.  His throat cut, he bleeds out in wonder as the story closes.  Does Dahl have something against vegetarians?

First Lines, Last Words

Once upon a time, in the City of New York, a beautiful baby boy was born into this world, and joyful parents named him Lexington.

Suddenly our hero started to feel very sleepy, but it wasn’t until his good, strong heart had pumped out the last drop of blood from his body that he passed on out of this, the best of all possible worlds, into the next.

Quotable

‘You had no right to go out and bury your aunt like that,’ he said.

Book Rating

Ah, another short story book means another waiving of ratings until the book is complete.  See the Book Rating Chart for more details.