Most flights I’ve ever been on have two separations: coach and business class. Having never flown in business class, I try and find my own little perks within coach. This amounts to ‘at least I’m not by the crying baby,’ ‘at least I’m not across from the toilet,’ ‘at least I’m not in the middle seat between two large men,’ and ‘at least the person next to me doesn’t want to talk.’
If you’ve been reading along, I’m sure you’ve noticed that David Sedaris has a theme going here with a lot of his stories. Funny things that happened to Sedaris while riding in a cab are related in “Town and Country” and “Of Mice and Men” and riding in a vehicle while hitchhiking in “Road Trips.” Funny things that happened while riding in an airplane might be a subset of the vehicular comedy in “Solution to Saturday’s Puzzle” and this story “Crybaby.”
Let’s get on with the
Gist of the Story
Sedaris is flying in Business Elite, which is one step above Coach but not quite First Class. Cute comments about the coach passengers glaring at him after realizing he is not someone famous. I tend to do that, as well. I think I’d do that even if if was someone famous, though. Closest I ever came was riding on an airplane with Catroina Le May Doan, the Canadian Olympic speed skater. Her thighs looked pretty average in her regular clothes which surprised me.
Sedaris has an open seat next to him so the flight attendant asks if she can move up a crying passenger because he’s bothering the people sitting next to him in coach. Sedaris, I believe, puts himself in these situations just to see what happens. Of course he says, “Yes.”
The big, Polish man has apparently just lost his mother and is flying to Poland for her funeral. He is not blubbering all over the place but simply sobbing off and on. Sedaris doesn’t try to engage him in conversation but instead has a conflict about whether to watch an in-flight movie or not. He even feels guilty eating his airplane food.
At long last, Sedaris settles in to watching a Chris Rock movie and thinking back on laughing at his flatulent grandmother at the dinner table and then being whacked in the head with a serving spoon by his father. All this pent-up comedy inside of Sedaris turns into tears and both he and the big, Polish man weep their way across the Atlantic.
First Lines, Last Words
The night flight to Paris leaves JFK at 7:00 p.m. and arrives at de Gaulle at about 8:45 a.m. French time.
But in the meantime here we were: two grown men in rommy seats, each blubbering in his own elite puddle of light.
Quotable
Strange that being walloped with a heavy spoon made everything seem funnier, but there you have it.
Book Rating
I know you’re waiting on pins and needles for the ending of this book to arrive so that I can make use of my Book Ratings Chart. So am I! In the meantime, check out what Sedaris was laughing about on the Crybaby flight:














