confessions of a former bully trudy ludwig beth adams

You may be a bully simply be being silent. Really.

This month’s book  for the Bullying Prevention Newsletter is something more for the youngsters…not that I didn’t get a whole lot out of it.  I did!  Sadly, as a victim survivor of childhood bullying, I recognize places where I might have changed the outcome in certain situations.  I told my own mother about the lessons I learned from reading this book and she congratulated me on my efforts.  She related a part of a story about my being bullied that I had never heard before.  Having arrived home from school with spit all over of the back of my coat from having bullies pick on me, she phoned the principal and threatened to have me removed and then go to the media about it.  I told my mother I didn’t remember the spitting incident at all (or barely.  I’m blessed with a short memory).  We ended up having a really good discussion about growing up in the neighbourhood in which we lived.  This book was a great segue to having this conversation!

If you need some resources or doorways to start a conversation about bullying with your children, sign up for J. Richard Knapp’s International Bullying Prevention Newsletter. It comes once a month to your inbox and is a great reminder to keep the lines of communication open – as well as getting these awesome book reviews!  On to the review:

Strategies for Thwarting, Coping
and Changing Behaviors for the Better
in Confessions of a Former Bully

Confession of a Former Bully may not exactly line up with the teen to adult fiction reviewed for the International Bullying Prevention letter to date.  This book, written by Trudy Ludwig and illustrated by Beth Adams, was published in 2010 for the benefit of children grades three to six.  I, however, learned lots of new things and really enjoyed the statistics and hand-drawn illustrations.


Ludwig confesses she was a former bully and writes this book from her own perspective at the time the bullying occurred.  She admits that she didn’t realize that simply saying mean things or even ignoring people could be bullying – she thought that bullying meant physically fighting.

There is a lot of self-realization as the fictionalized young Ludwig comes to terms with how she acted and what measures can be done to correct her wrongs.  What I found most fascinating was her list of tools when reacting to a bully.  Here they are:

1.    Say, “Stop!” Remember to look the bully in the eye and act confident.
2.    Ask, “Why?” after every sentence the bully throws at you.
3. Walk Away.
4.    Say, “So?,” “Whatever,” and “Who cares?” in a neutral voice.
5. Change the subject.
6.    Act silly or goofy.
7. Turn an insult into a compliment.
8.    Agree…but only if you’re comfortable with doing so.  Don’t use this tactic more than once.

Of course, if you are being physically bullied seek help. If you are a victim of cyber-bullying, do not respond. Instead, print or copy the offensive material and seek out someone who can help protect you, like a parent or teacher.

Some startling statistics Ludwig refers to:

  • 80% of elementary school bullying on the playground is witnessed by an audience.
  • When a by-stander intervenes in a bullying episode they are successful in ending it half of the time.
  • Every day 160,000 kids miss school because of bullying.
  • Most cyber-bullying occurs between 8 and 14 years of age.
  • Kids find emotional bullying more harmful than physical bullying.

Are you as shocked as I am by this?  Being a victim of not one, but two, broken noses at the hands of bullies, I would have to agree that the emotional side of bullying is far more impactful.

I recommend this book as a wonderful addition to any elementary school library or as a discussion starter between parents and their kids.  Beyond coping for current victims of bullying, this book will help you be proactive in not becoming a bully or a by-stander.  Included are many website resources in the appendix.  In a sidebar, Ludwig mentions a quote from Dr. Seuss:

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.”

Empower yourself and your children to stop the bully machine today!

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